On Marriage....

I've often wondered why so many people run from marriage like it's some sort of airborne disease. And I think I have an answer. Fear. It's not a novel discovery by any stretch of the imagination. But I think it's right on the money.

So let me make it clear for all of those who are confused about what marriage means. You know, those of you out there who think that because he gives you butterflies in your stomach or she makes you want to jump her where she stands, that you can base something solid on that. Marriage is knowing that if the occassion ever presented itself, you would walk through fire and go head up with the devil himself to protect that other person. It's realizing that after the butterflies have flown away, something real had better be there providing a strong foundation.

Marriage is also understanding compatibility. Think of it this way. When you marry someone, you are agreeing to put up with a certain output level of stupidity from them. If your maximum stupidity intake capacity is 6 and their maximum output level is 10, you are NOT compatible. You cannot change another person. Only they can change themselves, and they have to want to do it FOR themselves.

Marriage is not going to make you happy. If you're looking to fill a void in your soul with another person, you're being selfish and unfair to them. Marriage is a union of two wholes. Not a whole plus two thirds. You have to be comfortable in your own skin and secure in who you are before you can fully give yourself to someone else. Sure you can get married incomplete, but contrary to what Jerry McGuire says, that other person will not complete you. And your marriage will be in for some rocky times.

Speaking of which, marriage is also knowing that everything isn't going to be smooth sailing all the time. We have a 50% divorce rate in the United States. Mind you, that statistic is completely based on heterosexual couples. Nobody bats an eye when Britney Spears is married and divorced in 20 minutes. Yet there are gay couples--who are barred from their constitutional right to marry--that stay together for a lifetime. Why? Because they face adversity together, and they don't let ignorant people and life's nasty little surprises come between them. How strong must you be to love each other in the face of the last acceptable form of overt discrimination in this country? Heterosexual couples could take some lessons from that.

Marriage means realizing that there will be some incredible highs that single people can only dream out. There is nothing like being with someone who has stood before God and pledged to love only you forever. People can say that living with someone in perpetuity gives you the same thing, but I say no. There is nothing special or sacred about being someone's girlfriend/boyfriend for the rest of your life. How many of those do people have in a lifetime? True commitment is stepping out on that limb of faith and making a vow that you are morally bound to keep.

On the subject of vows, the reality of marriage is that one day your spouse might get MS, cancer, lupus or some other debilitating disease. And then suddenly you might have to be the breadwinner, your childrens' primary caretaker, a nursemaid, AND a spouse. It's a harsh reality, but it happens. Marriage is accepting that uncertainty and perservering anyway.

It is also being smart enough to know that being married doesn't mean that you have given up your "freedom." What does that even mean? If you're with someone who thinks they OWN you, they are not marriage material. In a good marriage, both people grow in leaps and bounds because your spouse should inspire you to be better than you are today.

And finally a marriage that is based in faith and love creates an environment that is secure for children. This is not a debate over the merits of single parenting. But it is simply a fact that children thrive in stable, loving two-parent homes where there are two people to share the responsibilities and the joys. There is nothing in the world like knowing that you and your spouse have participated in the miracle of life and have been blessed with the grand responsibility of shaping a human being into a positive citizen of the world.

Don't be afraid of marriage. Be afraid of all the baggage that blocks you from it. It's not for everyone--most certainly not the weak-minded or the faint-of-heart. If it's truly not your calling, good. Accept that, move on, but don't disrespect those people who make it work. If it is, and you think you can't go there, marriage itself is not the problem. The problem lies within you.

Call Me Bitch If You Want To...

It's amazing, but I have often had strange men ask me why I look so "mean" and "like I don't want to talk to people." HELLO! I don't!!!

I am not interested in nor am I required to stop and carry on a conversation with a strange man just because he wants to. I do not want your number and hell no, you can't have mine. I am MARRIED! And before you ask me if I am happily married, get a clue. That is none of your business. Even if I wasn't, I still wouldn't want YOU. I don't have to smile because you want to see it or take off my shades so you can look at my eyes. I certainly don't need you to pay for anything for me and I have no interest in responding to things like "HEY," "PSSSST," or "What's YOUR name?" Hay is for horses. "Psst" may be how you call some of the knucklehheaded girls who live on your block, but I ain't on your block. And I don't give my name to fools who come up to me on the street.

It makes me boil when I think about how girls are raised to be sweet and accomodating even at the expense of their own comfort. Who cares if you offend some strange guy on the street? If you don't want to talk to him or tell him anything, say that and keep walking. But puh-leeeeze stop looking down at your feet, stumbling over your words, and looking like a victim. Stand up straight, be proud and look like the kind of woman who would raise hell itself if she were attacked. Predators prey on those they think are weak. You have a right not to be accosted on the street, and if some guy thinks you're a BITCH! because you won't let him talk to you any kind of way, so what.